


Monachopsis

by Flightless_Wings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College, Graduation, Tsukki is a cutie, monachopsis, sad yams, that's really just a word i saw on tumblr somewhere, well not really sad, yams and tsukki friendship, yams needs some space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:12:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7021960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flightless_Wings/pseuds/Flightless_Wings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monachopsis</p>
<p>n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach.</p>
<p>Monachopsis —lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monachopsis

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the word and this fic pretty much just took off from there whoops anywho ignore my tags they are shit just like me but here's my bby <3

Yamaguchi’s eyes slid open and as his ceiling came into view, his first thought was something about how he was hungry, but that was quickly overshadowed by his next one: today was graduation day.

About two years ago, he would have been pretty excited about that fact but now… well he had been a lot less excited about a lot more as of late. He could never really find the words to describe it, but ever since the beginning of the school year—maybe before that? Had it been over the summer? He wasn’t quite sure—he’d just not been… content? That wasn’t quite right. He was happy with his family with his friends with volleyball, with school, he’d grown a lot since that first year.

Maybe it was that he was too content? No, that couldn’t be it either. He might have been okay with how everything had turned out, but he was no great son or friend or player or student. Early in his life he’d been branded “smart”, intelligent for his age and once high school came well that soon became average.

So Yamaguchi Tadashi wasn’t sad, but he wasn’t happy either. Perhaps that was just another part of him that was average. Still, as he pulled himself from his bed he couldn’t shake this feeling that had steadily been building up the past year or so. He made his way downstairs to see a note from his mother, her simple, neat writing wishing him good luck and promising that she and his father would be on time for his ceremony later.

He stared at the note for a minute before turning to the fridge. This was another thing he wasn’t quite sure of as of late either; he was hungry, but nothing ever sounded appealing. Not like it used to anyways. He settled for an unspectacular natto and white rice and flopped into his seat, still trying to pin down just what he was feeling. 

Usually after breakfast, Yamaguchi’s first instinct would be to invite Tsukki over to listen to music, play a video game, or just be in the same room together, relaxing in the other’s company. While that  _ did  _ sound tempting, he had little motivation to get up and grab his phone. Maybe he was just feeling incredibly lazy these past few years. While that was possible in times like these when he had the house to himself and no club activities planned, he could hardly call himself lazy on a regular basis.

So that one was out too.

As Yamaguchi stared around at the inanimate objects in his house, the feeling hit him again, harder than it had this morning. The heels of his hands dug into the sockets of his eyes as he tried to escape it, but when he blinked away the swirling patterns around his eyes, everything simply stared back at him, soundless and emotionless. It was like they were trying to help him convey his feelings by giving him a blank canvas to throw them at, but for some reason the words simply wouldn’t come.

Finally, he pulled himself away from the table and trudged his way upstairs, looking for a notebook that he’d taken to writing down his thoughts throughout the day in. After about twenty minutes and turning up with nothing, he gave up and laid out on the floor instead. He’d only wasted an hour out of the day by now and he debated calling Tsukki now that the phone was much closer. 

Yamaguchi pulled himself up and reached for his phone, knocking over a small stack of papers along the way. When he glanced down, one in particular caught his eye. 

About three months had gone by since he’d opened it and he hadn’t told a single person about it yet. It had been tucked away with other school papers, but it hadn’t been too far from his mind since then. After all, getting accepted to a college that was so impractical was pretty astounding really. The longer he looked at it, the more Yamaguchi began to grow closer to figuring out what this feeling might be.

The school was filled with people just like he’d known it would be. He spotted Tsukki already sitting in his seat a few rows ahead of where he would be. The blonde glanced back and gave him a slight smile and nod of his head to which Yamaguchi smiled widely before feeling rather guilty as he trudged to his seat. Out of all of his friends, Tsukki should have been the one he  could trust with something like this but because he’d been late showing up, now he wouldn’t even have the chance. 

Somewhere in the crowd, his family was sitting, watching him find his seat. He somehow felt less guilty about them, but he tried not to think much about it. Instead, he concentrated on listening to the opening address and singing their national anthem with the rest of his class. Speeches came and went and almost in a haze he watched his classmates accept their diplomas. Kageyama, Hinata, even Tsukki went before him, all happy if not a little emotional at least on Hinata’s part. 

Yamaguchi felt his hand close around his diploma before he really registered he was even up there. More speeches followed and pretty soon he was no longer a high school student. That too seemed to hit him slowly. He didn’t feel much different, there was no sudden revelation that this was the start of the rest of his life.

To his parents apparently, they were feeling that for him. They showered him with congratulations and it was all he could do to fight down his climbing guilt. The blur that was his family carried out of the school into the parking lot where Yamaguchi gave a half thought excuse about meeting his teammates for a celebratory dinner.

He climbed into his crowded car and sighed slightly with his hands on the wheel. Was he really going to do this? Before he could answer his own question, his passenger side door opened and a blond with glasses stuck his head in.

“Hey can you help me load up my stuff?” He asked.

Yamaguchi blinked before getting out, unsure of what he was doing but he’d gotten used to the fact that Tsukki usually knew what he was talking about. The back of the car next to him was open to reveal bags and suitcases that filled up the back of Yamaguchi’s.

“What are-”

“You left this at my house by the way.” Tsukki handed him the notebook he’d been searching for earlier that very morning. “Monachopsis.”

“What?”

“Monachopsis. That’s the word you were looking for. I just found it this morning. Pretty much the feeling of being out of place or maladapted.”

Yamaguchi looked down at the notebook in his hands and tried to hide his smile. “You’re so smart Tsukki.”

“Shut up and help me already.” His best friend huffed with slightly red cheeks. “You may not have told me about TMC (Tokyo Metropolitan University), but I guess I can’t fault you for it.” He said glancing down at a new paper he held in his hands before handing it over to the brunet.

The acceptance letter was the same as his, save the name at the top. “Tsukki...”

“That’s another thing Tadashi. We’re not kids anymore. I think you can start calling me by my real name don’t you think?”

The smile on his face spread wider and filled his face from cheek to cheek. “Sounds good, Kei.”

“Let’s get going before those two dumbasses show up and start asking questions.” Yamaguchi laughed lightly and helped his friend load up into the backseat of his car. 

  
For the first time that year, Yamaguchi didn’t feel out of place. As he drove towards Tokyo, his best friend in the passenger seat, a song he knew like the back of his hand on the radio, and the prospect of a completely new life ahead of him... well ‘Monachopsis’ no longer seemed to fit. It was strange to think that changing nearly everything in his life with just a short note left at home to explain everything he couldn’t really put into words was the way he was actually going to claim his life back. That and the fact that Tsukki seemed to know just how to make everything better. Sure he was leaving behind almost everything he knew in favor of a college he’d applied to on a whim, but if the level headed blond at his side was on board, how bad could it be?


End file.
